I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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