Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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