I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
