I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
