His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
