Yo dont text me then not text me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
