I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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