this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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