dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
