I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
