I just pynch a tree in the face
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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