Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
