This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
