Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
