I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
