my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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