Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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