It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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