It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
