I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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