In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just tell him i said nine months
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
