I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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