I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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