I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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