How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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