i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
