if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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