that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like, not good at living.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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