my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
