she woke up with a sticky ear
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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