Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its liver damage thursday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
