Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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