what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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