Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
