I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
