I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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