Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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