i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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