As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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