I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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