I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
