I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
