have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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