Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
