U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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