Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
God, I missed his penis.
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