so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
