Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
