I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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