My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
