weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
