sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize