im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
