you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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