Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
