This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
