After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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