I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
