If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
