I faked an abortion last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
