Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
