so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
