don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
my liver is dry heaving
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
