Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
