i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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