I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
