one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
