Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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