he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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