Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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