FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
