He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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