1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
